L is For Lacie

Upset after a bad date this weekend that effectively ended yet another three week long relationship, I called my cousin and close friend, "Megan, why do I do this? What is the point? I'm so tired of being disappointed." Because I am. I am so tired of letting myself get hopeful. Of putting myself out there. Of spending time and energy to wind up hurt, upset, and alone. Again. I'm frustrated and angry. And totally and completely ready to give up. The frustration that comes with dating is a very unique kind of frustration, because it is something that is uniquely reflective on each of us as whole individuals. Being rejected by a potential mate hits us deep within our soul where all of our most secret insecurities live.  When we date, we are putting our whole selves out into the world. Especially in the beginning (which is as far as I've gotten in the last two years so all I can really talk about), we take all of the things we think are best about ourselves. ...

Indepence is a funny thing. It's kind of cool right? I am a single, 21 year old woman, living 12 hours from my family. My close friends range in distance from in in an hour drive to a 8 hour flight. I live in a 300 square foot apartment alone. I eat 98% of my meals by myself. I do my own grocery shopping. I go on walks by myself. I go to bed every night by myself. I wake up to my iPhone alarm and make myself get up, to go to school which I then follow up with going to my job. I've traveled to different states and to different countries, by myself. I am, by all means, an independent person. And, 99% of the time this makes me very happy. But the other one percent? Well it can get bad. There are nights that I am so homesick I FaceTime with any familiar face that will talk to me. Or even worse, I make fried rice just like my mama and curl up into my bed and eat the whole pan while watching re-run survivor episodes. Sometimes, I sit in the car that use to be my mom's, just hop...

Yesterday I set about a great journey, a journey to get my cracked iPhone screen fixed. So like any good Apple user, I logged into my iCloud account all set to make an appointment with an apple genius at one of the three nearby Apple Stores. And much to my distress, I saw that the only Apple Store with appointments available on a busy Friday afternoon, was of course the Apple Store right in the heart of Downtown Portland.  So I gave myself a pre-traffic pep talk and got in my car and spent the 45 minutes to drive 15 miles and found a brilliant parking spot and headed into the store. Everything was going swimmingly, I was flirting lightly with my new Genius friend, and then he dropped a bomb on me. "It's going to take 2-3 hours to fix your phone today." Dude. I thought we were friends. Now, this is about a fifteen minute job, so I was expecting to be in and out in an hour. But now I was facing a reality...I was about to be trapped. Downtown. With no cell phone. Alone. For ...

I suppose I should start this letter with the obvious...the obvious is, well, I miss you. Not in a curled up on the floor, crying my eyes out kind of missing you. Not even in the I think about you every day kind of missing you. In a totally new kind of missing you that I've never experienced before. In a very longing "I wish we wanted the same things but I'm kind of glad we didn't", kind of missing you. See, our relationship was different from the start. It was instant. It was sexy, it was passionate, it was intense and wonderful. But it was also fast, trusting, lonely, and scary. It was never...emotional...or ridden with complicated things like feelings. Mostly, because I don't think either of us ever let ourselves recognize or think about the feelings that were happening. But, what I'm saying is that I shouldn't be surprised that the breaking up portion (not even breaking up because that is too strong of a term, ending is a better word) of our rel...

It's a bird! It's a plane! No.... IT'S DAD Okay..okay...okay dad's typically do not fly. But they have a lot of other super powers and today is the day to celebrate those powers. And everyone knows that the best way to celebrate dads is to thank them for all the crazy things they've done for us over the years. And I happen to have a dad who has done soo many amazing things for me, that I need a whole blog post to thank him for all of them. So grab a box of tissues and sit back and read on, for what promises to be one of my sappiest posts yet.  Dear Dad thank you for... 1) Teaching me when and how to be silly.  It's because of you that I know how to relax. To stop working and just have fun. You've always given me a safe place to just be me. To not have to worry about being judged or loved. To know that even if I look like an idiot jumping on the trampoline, it'll be fun with you. Because, we will look like dorks together.  ...

I'm so tired of reading posts with titles like "15 ways to know if he's in love with you" and "20 things men think are sexy" because all of these posts assume that every relationship is the same.  I've got news, for every relationship to be the same we would all have to be exactly the same people. And I don't know about you, but I am a unique butterfly. Therefore, my relationships will also be unique, beautiful butterflies (unless we are talking about past relationships, those are moths.) And while it bugs me that these articles assume that my relationship will be just like one from a Nicholas Spark's book, what really upsets me is that they encourage us to continue comparing our relationships to everyone else's.  We've all been there, scrolling through Facebook and seeing another lovey post about our old friend. let's call them Remy... and their partner. Remy their partner are moving in together. So naturally you click o...