Skip to main content

Comparison, the Evilest of all Evils

I'm so tired of reading posts with titles like "15 ways to know if he's in love with you" and "20 things men think are sexy" because all of these posts assume that every relationship is the same. 


I've got news, for every relationship to be the same we would all have to be exactly the same people. And I don't know about you, but I am a unique butterfly. Therefore, my relationships will also be unique, beautiful butterflies (unless we are talking about past relationships, those are moths.) And while it bugs me that these articles assume that my relationship will be just like one from a Nicholas Spark's book, what really upsets me is that they encourage us to continue comparing our relationships to everyone else's. 

We've all been there, scrolling through Facebook and seeing another lovey post about our old friend. let's call them Remy... and their partner. Remy their partner are moving in together. So naturally you click on their relationship to see how long they've been together. OH MY GOSH they've been together for 6 months. Well? I've been dating my partner for 5 and there is no way I'll be ready to move in with them in a month? Does this mean our relationship isn't strong? Does it mean we are going nowhere? Do they not love me? Remy and their partner always seem so happy. Oh look they went to the beach last weekend. Ugh and the symphony two months ago? My partner and I have never been to the symphony. I bet they never fight. And boom. Just like that we are freaking out and worrying about our relationship that until 2 minutes ago we were completely happy with. 


Now this whole situation is hypothetical for me but based on actual freak outs and conversations I've had. Here's the problem, my relationship is never going to be the same as my best friend's relationship. Because in fact, I am not the same person as my best friend. And our partners are not the same people. And what my partner and I deem is appropriate for us is not going to be what my best friend and their partner expect from each other. 

Facebook posts and Instagram pictures and Blog posts and articles tend to exclude the ugly aspects of relationships. They don't show you the all night fights or the road trips gone wrong or the hurt feelings or the nights you spend apart. They show only the happy things. And even then, only the best of that. 

Let's look at another example. This article is titled "10 Signs a Man is in Love with You" and sign number three is "He tries to make eye contact with you ever so often". Okay, the man I am currently dating makes eye contact with me regularly. But guess what? He makes eye contact with whoever he is talking to! (I know, crazy right?) And I suppose if he was one of those guys who never made eye contact with anyone, I would think maybe this was a sign he liked me. But he's not. Instead, I take it as the sign of respect that it is. However, through getting to know him, I have learned that he has a very particular pillow taste. So when he comes over and uses my pillows, which I know he doesn't like, to watch a movie with me. I know that he is doing so because he enjoys spending time with me. But, you won't find "uses pillows they don't like" on any one of the hundreds of lists about how to tell a man likes you. It also wouldn't mean the same thing to my best friend if their partner did that. 

All that I am saying is that our relationships will go a whole lot smoother and we will be a whole lot happier if we can all just stop comparing ourselves to each other and watch our relationships turn into their own, unique, beautiful butterflies, in their own special way.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How do you handle spilled milk?

I suppose I should start this letter with the obvious...the obvious is, well, I miss you. Not in a curled up on the floor, crying my eyes out kind of missing you. Not even in the I think about you every day kind of missing you. In a totally new kind of missing you that I've never experienced before. In a very longing "I wish we wanted the same things but I'm kind of glad we didn't", kind of missing you. See, our relationship was different from the start. It was instant. It was sexy, it was passionate, it was intense and wonderful. But it was also fast, trusting, lonely, and scary. It was never...emotional...or ridden with complicated things like feelings. Mostly, because I don't think either of us ever let ourselves recognize or think about the feelings that were happening. But, what I'm saying is that I shouldn't be surprised that the breaking up portion (not even breaking up because that is too strong of a term, ending is a better word) of our rel...
Post a Comment
Read more

Things to Know About Me Before Entering My World

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and love and what those things can mean. And I've been reading a lot articles with titles like "An open letter to the person who loves someone with anxiety" and I'm continually frustrated. Because none of these essays quite fit me. But also; because none of these essays talk about friends.  We so often assume that romantic love and friend love are dramatically different. When in reality; a romantic partner should just be a friend on steroids. So I'm going to write my own; one that includes things a romantic partner should know; but are also things that apply to every type of close relationship in my life. Bear with me; I'm not an English major for a reason. Things to know about me before entering my world: 1) My nervous habit is to babble.  Seriously; the first time you spend time with me (especially if it's one on one or in a date type setting) I will not shut up. I will talk and talk and talk...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Man...The Myth...The Legend

It's a bird! It's a plane! No.... IT'S DAD Okay..okay...okay dad's typically do not fly. But they have a lot of other super powers and today is the day to celebrate those powers. And everyone knows that the best way to celebrate dads is to thank them for all the crazy things they've done for us over the years. And I happen to have a dad who has done soo many amazing things for me, that I need a whole blog post to thank him for all of them. So grab a box of tissues and sit back and read on, for what promises to be one of my sappiest posts yet.  Dear Dad thank you for... 1) Teaching me when and how to be silly.  It's because of you that I know how to relax. To stop working and just have fun. You've always given me a safe place to just be me. To not have to worry about being judged or loved. To know that even if I look like an idiot jumping on the trampoline, it'll be fun with you. Because, we will look like dorks together.  ...
Post a Comment
Read more