L is For Lacie

Upset after a bad date this weekend that effectively ended yet another three week long relationship, I called my cousin and close friend, "Megan, why do I do this? What is the point? I'm so tired of being disappointed." Because I am. I am so tired of letting myself get hopeful. Of putting myself out there. Of spending time and energy to wind up hurt, upset, and alone. Again. I'm frustrated and angry. And totally and completely ready to give up. The frustration that comes with dating is a very unique kind of frustration, because it is something that is uniquely reflective on each of us as whole individuals. Being rejected by a potential mate hits us deep within our soul where all of our most secret insecurities live.  When we date, we are putting our whole selves out into the world. Especially in the beginning (which is as far as I've gotten in the last two years so all I can really talk about), we take all of the things we think are best about ourselves. ...

Indepence is a funny thing. It's kind of cool right? I am a single, 21 year old woman, living 12 hours from my family. My close friends range in distance from in in an hour drive to a 8 hour flight. I live in a 300 square foot apartment alone. I eat 98% of my meals by myself. I do my own grocery shopping. I go on walks by myself. I go to bed every night by myself. I wake up to my iPhone alarm and make myself get up, to go to school which I then follow up with going to my job. I've traveled to different states and to different countries, by myself. I am, by all means, an independent person. And, 99% of the time this makes me very happy. But the other one percent? Well it can get bad. There are nights that I am so homesick I FaceTime with any familiar face that will talk to me. Or even worse, I make fried rice just like my mama and curl up into my bed and eat the whole pan while watching re-run survivor episodes. Sometimes, I sit in the car that use to be my mom's, just hop...

Yesterday I set about a great journey, a journey to get my cracked iPhone screen fixed. So like any good Apple user, I logged into my iCloud account all set to make an appointment with an apple genius at one of the three nearby Apple Stores. And much to my distress, I saw that the only Apple Store with appointments available on a busy Friday afternoon, was of course the Apple Store right in the heart of Downtown Portland.  So I gave myself a pre-traffic pep talk and got in my car and spent the 45 minutes to drive 15 miles and found a brilliant parking spot and headed into the store. Everything was going swimmingly, I was flirting lightly with my new Genius friend, and then he dropped a bomb on me. "It's going to take 2-3 hours to fix your phone today." Dude. I thought we were friends. Now, this is about a fifteen minute job, so I was expecting to be in and out in an hour. But now I was facing a reality...I was about to be trapped. Downtown. With no cell phone. Alone. For ...

I suppose I should start this letter with the obvious...the obvious is, well, I miss you. Not in a curled up on the floor, crying my eyes out kind of missing you. Not even in the I think about you every day kind of missing you. In a totally new kind of missing you that I've never experienced before. In a very longing "I wish we wanted the same things but I'm kind of glad we didn't", kind of missing you. See, our relationship was different from the start. It was instant. It was sexy, it was passionate, it was intense and wonderful. But it was also fast, trusting, lonely, and scary. It was never...emotional...or ridden with complicated things like feelings. Mostly, because I don't think either of us ever let ourselves recognize or think about the feelings that were happening. But, what I'm saying is that I shouldn't be surprised that the breaking up portion (not even breaking up because that is too strong of a term, ending is a better word) of our rel...

It's a bird! It's a plane! No.... IT'S DAD Okay..okay...okay dad's typically do not fly. But they have a lot of other super powers and today is the day to celebrate those powers. And everyone knows that the best way to celebrate dads is to thank them for all the crazy things they've done for us over the years. And I happen to have a dad who has done soo many amazing things for me, that I need a whole blog post to thank him for all of them. So grab a box of tissues and sit back and read on, for what promises to be one of my sappiest posts yet.  Dear Dad thank you for... 1) Teaching me when and how to be silly.  It's because of you that I know how to relax. To stop working and just have fun. You've always given me a safe place to just be me. To not have to worry about being judged or loved. To know that even if I look like an idiot jumping on the trampoline, it'll be fun with you. Because, we will look like dorks together.  ...

I'm so tired of reading posts with titles like "15 ways to know if he's in love with you" and "20 things men think are sexy" because all of these posts assume that every relationship is the same.  I've got news, for every relationship to be the same we would all have to be exactly the same people. And I don't know about you, but I am a unique butterfly. Therefore, my relationships will also be unique, beautiful butterflies (unless we are talking about past relationships, those are moths.) And while it bugs me that these articles assume that my relationship will be just like one from a Nicholas Spark's book, what really upsets me is that they encourage us to continue comparing our relationships to everyone else's.  We've all been there, scrolling through Facebook and seeing another lovey post about our old friend. let's call them Remy... and their partner. Remy their partner are moving in together. So naturally you click o...

I promised that I would post about my speech topics, and I mean I love my speeches, but they aren't always that exciting to read (I promise my enthusiastic delivery and charming smile make them super fun to listen to) so I am posting them, with a few modifications. If they sound weird, remember that they were originally written for speaking in a very specific format of speeches not reading. Here we go!  Mark Shrime is, a renowned ear, nose and throat doctor and a medical researcher at Harvard University, like many other medical professionals, bombarded with emails requesting him as a “peer reviewer” or suggesting he submit his research to such and such journal. The emails of course are annoying, but they also inspired a concern in Mark, what was the goal of all these “Journals” and were they actually the credible sources they claimed to be? Shrime’s solution? He had a random text generator create a scientific looking article by Pinkerton LeBrain and Orson G. Welles titled “Cuckoo...

If you were alive in the early 2000's you know this scene and this song and can probably pretty easily bust out into it at any moment. However, as much as I love The Lizzie McGuire Movie (which is a lot) it kind of sets us up to believe that in order to be "living the dream" we have to be on stage dancing and singing with a pop star. But, contrary to my distinct lack of ability to sing I still fully believe that my life is exactly what dreams are made of. And that fact is largely due to a pretty distinct group of people. My friends. Seriously, I am so unbelievable lucky and have some incredible people in my life. So I'm just going to make a really gushy blog post thanking all of you out there.  To all of my friends out there, thank you for letting me double, triple, quadruple text you, snap chat you, call you, show up at your door, etc. during my minor panic attacks, at every sign of a new crush, at every slight life crisis, every major happy moment in ...

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and love and what those things can mean. And I've been reading a lot articles with titles like "An open letter to the person who loves someone with anxiety" and I'm continually frustrated. Because none of these essays quite fit me. But also; because none of these essays talk about friends.  We so often assume that romantic love and friend love are dramatically different. When in reality; a romantic partner should just be a friend on steroids. So I'm going to write my own; one that includes things a romantic partner should know; but are also things that apply to every type of close relationship in my life. Bear with me; I'm not an English major for a reason. Things to know about me before entering my world: 1) My nervous habit is to babble.  Seriously; the first time you spend time with me (especially if it's one on one or in a date type setting) I will not shut up. I will talk and talk and talk...

Recently, a friend sent me a text message that read "I've just accepted I won't be as prepared for class tomorrow and going to bed. I'm prioritizing my health over my academics." And I was shocked. You're putting the needs of your body over being prepared for class?? What!? That is not what we do. We must work first and be healthy second. But then, I realized how ridiculous that sounded. Do you realize that as a whole group we think that we should study instead of sleep, exercise or eat? I can't tell you the number of conversations I've had that revolve around people putting their health at risk simply because we have school to do? And we start this young! On average an elementary student is given 15 minutes to eat lunch; but 20-40 minutes a day on standardized test prep.  When budget cuts come around we cut PE first; the only time of the day we teach tiny humans to be active. We consistently, from age 5, tell students that their school work i...

This is my family. My people. My support system. My friends. My everything. And lately, I have been missing the crap out of them.  When you get ready to go to college, and you will not be driving distance from your family, you assume that you will miss them. You assume that you will miss your high school friends. You assume you will miss your favorite restaurant in your home town. But no one ever told you that things will never be the same again. You will never return home to the same family dynamic. You never get to be a child again. Your friendships will never be the same. You will never again be in a place where everyone you love is close to you.  But they also don't tell you how these new relationships, these new dynamics, will be so great. How now that you're an adult, you will get to have adult relationships with your parents. How your phone calls with your mom will become phone calls with your best friend. How much you'll miss your dad when your ...

"What I'm saying is--and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form--is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."-Harry from "When Harry Met Sally" Growing up, I heard Harry say this, and I just kind of accepted it. After all, when had I ever seen anything different? I was probably about 13 and in that awkward middle school age; where no one had friends of the opposite sex. In fact; I was pretty sure all boys had cooties (except maybe Zack Efron and Taylor Lautner but they were men...). I had no interest in talking to them; even platonically, and neither did my friends. I certainly didn't have any fictional examples to prove Harry wrong, Chandler and Monica got married; George and Izzy slept together (even after George was married); Spongebob and Patrick were dating (yeah, even non-traditional relationships didn't work); Lorelai screwed up every relationship she had because of Luke...The list ...

Disclaimer *As I sit here, procrastinating as usual, I've realized something; I have a lot of thoughts; and only 99% of them are irrelevant and boring. I also realized, that I almost never share them with other humans. SO...I'm hopping on the blogging bandwagon. I won't promise greatness, or regularity in posts, but I think the general concept is good and maybe healthy. So let's just hop right in. *  Feelings are weird. They are irrational. They're unpredictable. They can be amazing. They can also be the world's most awful thing in the whole world. And worst of all; we are all expected to just pretend the crappy ones, don't even exist.  Yeah, pretty ridiculous right? But think about it; when was the last time someone asked how you were and you respond with anything other than; "good, fine, okay, great..etc". If you are anything like me, you can't even remember. BUT I can guarantee you that I have A LOT of other feelings. Like, a ...